Living with the “I Can’t Believe I Did That!” Moment

“I will NOT blow my diet today!” It was a Friday morning when I made this firm resolve.  While driving to Zumba I mentally planned a healthy menu. The weekend was upon me, the time when I often lose my resolve.  But this time I was determined to stick with the plan.

Then I went to Costco.

Later I recall shaking my head in wonder.  How could a person with such strong conviction and determination be so easily swayed by pizza samples?

Please tell me I’m not alone!

Indeed I know I’m not.

Take Peter from the Bible for example.

Peter had just spent some quality time with Jesus and the other disciples.  Jesus spells out the events to come, not in the far future, mind you, but now, tonight, this weekend.

The fulfillment of Jesus life on earth was upon them.

Jesus clearly tells his disciples, “Tonight you will all desert me.”

Peter is the first to declare, “NO! Never! Even if all fall away, I will never leave you!”

With at least as much conviction as a Zumba-bound health nut, Peter announces, “Even if I have to die, I will never disown you!”

Just a few hours later, yes, that very night, Jesus’ arrest comes.  And yes, just as He said, His friends scatter.  And Peter?  Well, not only did he deny Jesus, but he denies and lies about Him three times!

What happened?  Did Peter not mean his words to Jesus?

Was Peter insincere?

I don’t think so.

I can say with all honesty, when I began my day that fateful Friday, I had every intention of “being good” and not straying from my goal.  So what went wrong with me?

Something unexpected entered the picture.

My favorite food happened to be the featured sample at Costco that day.  My love of this cheesy- garlic-laden fare so filled my mind and soul that all else was forgotten!  I savored sample after sample of this Italian delight (it was a big display!) –  chasing all conviction away.

I believe something similar happened to Peter.  His conviction and promises to Jesus were honest and true, but his circumstances quickly changed.

Something unexpected entered the picture.

Peter witnessed his fellow disciple, Judas, betray their Lord.  Suddenly, guards armed with clubs and swords arrested Jesus.  Then, following at a distance, Peter is confronted by accusations of associating with Jesus.

Peter’s heart and mind were filled with fear.  Fear took over and courage turned to coward-ness.

Until the rooster crowed and truth dawned…

An “I can’t believe I did that!” moment.

Been there?  Me too. Far too often.

Temporary moments of insanity.  Falling into temptation.  Call it what you will, but it happens to the best of us and exposes the worst in us when the unexpected blasts our good intentions out of the water.

 So what’s a person to do? 

According to WebMD, if you blow your diet you’re encouraged to relax and take a time out. Get some perspective and get back on track. (From “Diet 911: After you Overeat” June 19, 2013)  We mentally kick ourselves and begin again.

When sin is involved, however, it’s not that simple.

If you’re like me, you may be pretty hard on yourself.  Peter wept bitterly.  I have, too.  As a recovering self-perfectionist, I have a difficult time forgiving myself.

But the Bible says, when we blow it, we can confess it to God and He will “forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

The best thing about Peter’s story is Jesus.  His love and forgiveness flow from start to finish.

With love, Jesus warned Peter of his future failure (beware the unexpected!) Then Jesus headed to the cross to take the punishment for that very sin… and the sins of the whole world!

Only, Jesus beat death and sin, rising from the dead three days later!

After Jesus’ resurrection, He didn’t write-off Peter as we’d expect, instead He spent time with Peter, assuring him of His love.

But He didn’t stop there.

Something unexpected entered the picture!

Jesus gave Peter an assignment. “Feed my sheep.” (John 21:17)

God goes on to use Peter in amazing ways!

He takes this broken-down-denier and transforms him into power-house preacher to spread the good news of what Jesus did for the world.

Whoa!  Let that sink in!

God uses the broken, the sinful, the repeat offenders who too often declare, “I can’t believe I did that!”

How?  It goes back to Jesus’ death on the cross to take away the sins of the world.  Followed by God’s cleansing work after we confess our sins.  We are made free, clean, and righteous in His sight!  But our transformation doesn’t end there.  He gives us His Holy Spirit – that third part of the Trinity – who, though always in existence – made a big debut on the day of Pentecost.  That day Jesus’ friends were given Power from on high!  Peter the denier became Peter the Proclaimer of the Gospel!

That Power is available for us, too!  It’s how he was able to use Jacob the Liar, David the Adulterer, and the rest.

Did Peter ever mess up again? Of course he did.

I do too.  We all do.  The Bible even warns that we should “keep watch and pray so that we do not fall when tempted.”  The spirit is so willing, but our flesh is weak!! (Matthew 26:41)

So, expect the unexpected.

I should have known there would be tempting samples at Costco on a Friday!  I should have made a bee-line for the door when I spotted the extra-large display and towering pizza boxes! And though all the “shoulds” and “should-nots” will not change the past, I can be more mentally prepared for the onslaught of tasty temptations.

And as for those temptations of the more serious kind?

God gives us this prescription in Ephesians 6: 10-18

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”

I thank God that His love is not dependent on our performance, perseverance, or perfection.   And even though we continue to have those “I can’t believe I did that!” moments, God loves us, forgives us, and uses us– it’s so unexpected!

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Gretchen Huesmann

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